Omnipotence = Gay Masochist

Jesus (a.k.a. Sky Rabbi or S.R., Yahweh, Jahweh, Jehovah, or God) is all powerful.  All.  Get it?  

In addition to that, Jesus is all knowing.  He is omnipotent as well as omniscient.  That means that Jesus could have made it so He saves everyone by having a ham sandwich, scratching his chin for a second or so, clapping His hands, or just having made them that way.  

However, Jesus did not do that.  He made everyone get saved by living a life as a human, then getting executed in a painful way where He was either nude or wearing very little clothing (remember that at the time He would have been crucified naked but all the statues and movies now show him in the True Loincloth because they don't want to depict full frontal) in front of a whole crowd of people.  

That is why, if you say that Jesus really exists--if you are a Jesusian; if you believe the Bible--then you believe that God made a situation where He would be a man who put on a masochistic display of suffering in front of a crowd.  Every tiny little detail, from how the wind blew that day to what His executioners had for breakfast, was planned by S.R. beforehand.  That is why He was a gay masochist.  

The Perils of Omnipotence

That is difficult for many Jesusians to contemplate, but it exists.  Jesus created that situation.  Just like how the people who made up the Bible for victims in Europe to follow wrote in that the Earth has four corners but yet it actually has none, just like God was depicted as watching from above, the Bible was not created by people with a suspicion that there would be freely accessible satellite images and spaceships.  

Omnipotence--like the shape and construction of the Earth--is problematic.  The creators of the Gospels did not think about, or did not have a good answer to the questions.  The most famous such question is, of course, "Can God make a rock so big He cannot Himself move it?"  The question of why God made a salvation show where He had a man in no/very little clothing get hurt in front of a crowd has to be answered like every other question: because He wanted it to be that way.  The question of what kind of entity would insist that a man be stripped and hurt in front of a crowd is the title of this post.  The new testament of the Bible promotes universalism, egalitarianism, taking money from the rich, social welfare for the stupid/lazy poor, and claims it is definitely against man-on-man sexual-imitation behavior so much it is clearly doth protesting too much.  

(Again, if you think that pursuing orgasm via physical friction caused by the body of a woman versus the body of a man is the same type of thing, and that a man's fecal orifice is like a woman's non-fecal birthing orifice, you have a private preference which we will not discuss to be respectful to all the home-ohs.  Male home-ohs have a gross high rate of coprophagia, something north of 50%, not because they are eating turds, but because they are sucking things which have very recently been in fecal orifices.  Any rate of coprophagia over 0%, including 0.001%, is gross, but so is what home-ohs do to each other, and some go for that.  Sorry guys, crossdressing and calling yourself a trains no eye woman doesn't change that.)  

To doubt that Jesus is a gay masochist is blasphemy: it is saying that Jesus didn't want that to happen.  Because Jesus is the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, since Jesus knew everything that would happen, and since Jesus had the power to do anything Jesus wanted, Jesus chose the Passion.  If you think Jesus didn't want to do it that exact way, you blaspheme, and if Jesus did want to remove all (modern: almost all) clothes and get hurt extremely in front of a crowd, then Jesus is a "gay" masochistic.  

It is extremely difficult for Jesusians--who often are the minority, able to recognize the sterile horror of gayness--to contemplate that.  They have said they support a storybook character who must be, yet who according to them cannot be, gay.  That strange contradiction is recurrent in cases where you are supposed to believe things for which there is no evidence.  I.e., Christians don't give away all their money and spend all their time at the soup kitchen, which they would do if they actually believed they would be poor for around 70 years in exchange for being phenomenally rich for 999,999 * 999,999 years plus forever.  It is too difficult to think about how Jesus must have made the Passion happen the way it did, thus S.R. could have made a rock so big He cancan't move it.