The Sky Rabbi

The Sky Rabbi (“S.R.”), who can also be called Jesus, is so cool.  To try it out, bow your head in prayer.  Close your eyes, and imagine that Jesus can hear your thoughts while you dip your head into His holy lap and please Him so much with your prayer that you cause Him to have a divine Second Cummi-sorry I mean Second Coming.  It is so hot I mean so proper and good when handsome young men and other people too close their eyes and tilt their heads a little forward in quiet reverence to S.R., and if any man who does that imagines that he is putting his head in S.R.’s lap to please Him that is his own personal business, don’t ask don’t tell, and that is private and no one should ever know how good.  

There used to be a time in Usica when every boy visiting the church, or every boy in a public school and the girls even too, did a better thing.  They all had to perform this holy function of closing their eyes and bowing their heads forward and thinking really intently about being a thing that pleased this manly man.  But for some reason, probably Istism or something like it, that doesn’t happen anymore.  

They called that school prayer, and it was so great while it lasted.  But you can still do it at home.  What you do is, you get on your knees, shut your eyes, and think about being on your knees before this really great bloke whom you want to please, which is a very good and proper thing for young men to do.  You can also pray by elevating your backside, and if you are a handsome man, or really any man at all, you can think about how great it would be if S.R. would come back you up.  See, He fills you with His Grace, and it is so reverent boys and men are bent over in prayer thinking about how great that Holy Man is and He fills you with His Grace.  

(It is so insane and bad how the people before Jesus didn’t dip their heads into His divine lap or bend over and close their eyes and think of being filled by His Grace!  When we figured out we should do that, that is called progress.  Sure there might've been a lot of Europeans who died then but that is because they were having fights about what color Jesus liked best and other important stuff like that.  We know that is true exactly like there were wars that had to happen since fires burned up all that metal.  Ists say that is not true and Europeans tried to fight off the people tricked by Christian lies, but Ists are OCW.)  

If you are having a bad day, or any kind of tough time at all, you just need to bow your head and think about this great man which is really thinking to Him.  (He can hear all your thoughts like that.  They probably get translated into words He can read on His phone.  And they do that at all other times too, of course.  But for men, especially handsome young men, getting into the right position really makes it easier to get filled by Him.)  A proper prayer satisfies Him so much with your mouth by thinking about how good He is, and how good are the things He likes.  Or, like we said, you can just tell Him about things while He comes up behind you and fills you with His Grace.  

Anyway, there is this complete mystery, this big random coincidence, that a bunch of Christian holy blokes get accused of things like sexually molesting little boys.  We just can’t figure it out and surely never will.  Like we said, it is just random coincidence.  No way to figure it out.