Disclaimer 2.0

Jesus.  Jesus.  Jesus Jesus Jesus.  Jesus!  Okay, I really gotta make a serious point here: Jesus.  

As I've said before, this is a blog about how great, how cool, and how everything Jesus is.  Stupid science has, I mean blessed Saiunce (which can be called S.T.E.M. for short) has, finally begun to throw light on the wonders of the Christian religion.  Because all handsome men, and good ladies too, love Jesus so much, this blog often presents for your consideration the Ist viewpoint so that it can be better destroyed because readers of this blog are not approaching hateful wrongness in ignorance.  

See, most people—even Christians—think that Christianity is about Jesus.  This is wrong.  Christianity is not about what some have called this one particular anthropomorphic fantasy.  It is not about this one invisible rabbi in the sky who has made rules about not eating pork or He’d do horrible things to you forever, and then stopped caring about whether or not you ate pork for perfectly rational but mysterious reasons.  (He probably let people out of Hell when He changed His mind about pork.)  That is Jesusian Christianity.  Jesusian.  Old-fashioned Christianity.  

New-fashioned Christianity, which rules, is not the old style.  It is not Jesusian Christianity.  Can you get that there is a difference between old-fashioned and new-fashioned?  What I and the Ists are trying to do here is show that Christianity still rules the way we’re supposed to think about things today, even after many years of people believing they are not Christian.  Simply because they reject the Sky Rabbi (they try to disguise it by just saying they don’t believe in Him.  They also say He doesn’t look good in nothing else but His True Loincloth!), people often believe that they are rejecting Christianity, but in fact, they are embracing it, just not with Jesus.  

“What the heck?” you may be saying.  But it makes sense.  Let there be another explanation.  Here goes.  

“Christ” means “savior.”  The old-fashioned Jesus was the savior of some people, all people, or the world—there’s still some uncertainty there.  (According to the official stories of the Christian conquest, the Christians thought of these perfectly rational things like “If we just kill a few hundred thousand people, we’ll probably figure it out for sure this time while we show how good and peaceful we are.”  Anyway, because of that, he we mean He got called Jesus Christ.  It’s kind of like if He were named Jesus Savior (or Jesus Save-Your in Britain).  

From what was Jesus Christ saving people?  The world, of course!  And who made the world?  Jesus Christ, of course!  People could become saved if they had the affection of Jesus in them.  This is because the icky world includes bad things like volcanoes, deadfalls, and spoiled food.  And aging (ageing to Britards we mean intellectuals from Britain; it’s just that they might get confused if they see “aging” and think you say it agging because they are so smart) and death, of course.  Jesus can save you from those things.  Well, not exactly, but per the official stories Jesus will do all sorts of nice things for you after you die.  He will save you.  He will provide you with salvation.  Thus, he we mean He is Jesus Christ.  People from Him seek salvation.  

The modern form of this is liberation.  One may be a “liberal” as one may be “saved.”  A person may hold herself out as having been “saved” from the realities of the physical world, just as a person may hold oneself out as being similarly “free” of the physical world.  Thus, that person may call herself a freed one--a “liberal.”  

The connection to the French Terror a.k.a. the French Revolution is here evident.  Usage of “liberté, égalité, fraternité,” is, besides being completely blind and sexist, very indicative for its similarity to the usage of “liberal” in modern politics.  

Ists think we should note here the way that the French Terror rather French Revolution was sexist at the beginning.  Like the way Ists say that Jesusian Christianity used to be even more sexist, restricting to men being a leader of liturgy to speculating about the glories of an imaginary divine man (we should mention again how Jesusian Christianity is not gay.  Definitely.).  The French Revolution literally said there should be brotherhood among men, which kind of entirely excludes women.  Seeing the way that traditional Christianity is universalist, and how today’s political leaders insist genes are universalist too, many can see the connection between Christianities old and new.  However, now, as women have become accepted as leaders of worship, “fraternité” demonstrates the way that Christianity evolves.  Political liberals can now be women, vicars of Christ can now be women, and like the way that universalists do not examine other aspects of their history too closely, the inherent hypocrisy is just not talked about.  

(What Ists are missing here is that in Jesus all things are possible.  Like Him making rocks He cancan’t move, jet fuel burning steel, etc.  It’s so sad if you can’t bend over to Jesus and let Him fill you with Grace oh God it is so hot when He does that lots of us guys dream about Heaven where He does that to you all the time.)  

The difference between being “saved” and being “liberated” is not really different.  It is a difference in semantics, not a difference in actualities.  

In the same way, the rejection of the molecule, otherwise known as universality/Christianity, is still what it was.  Consider these tenets of Jesusian Christianity and the newer version: 

1) Everything began with a big orgasm-like explosion in outer space; 

2) Everyone came from African ancestors (northeast Africa/southwest Asia; the Middle East). 

Putting aside the Ists for a while, although “Christianity” is often discredited now, science has pr—we mean S.T.E.M. has proven that Christianity had the right of it.  Even what they call Jesusian Christianity. 

(Which is fine.  Jesina knows Jesus is great, but he oops she is a realist and knows that many people don’t admit to Him being so important to every man or boy and there are FREE board games for women or girls too.)  

How so?  

1) “Everything began with a big orgasm in outer space” was mocked and belittled by so many people, who after only a little more than 1,600 years thought the Book of Genesis, despite being the truth according to Jesus Himself, was made up we mean chanced to be wrong we mean just was a metaphor!  But, those people have been proven to be the wrong ones now by the Big Bang Theory, in which genuine scientists (with genuine degrees) have come to see the creation of the light via a big solo male orgasm-like explosion in outer space!  (If you think that a story about a guy having an orgasm without a woman being around makes a vulgar allusion to private business Jesina says you're going to Hell and Ists say the way they made reality come from a burst from a man alone is really gross.)  It wasn’t 7,000 years ago, but 10-20 billion years ago.  Non-Christian Scientists of the future, taking actual observations, may say that everything, time itself, did not get created via a big space burst some long time ago, but they would be wrong.  Just like early Jesusian Christians thought no one would ever go up into the sky and find out there wasn’t an old rabbi living up there who once cared a lot about whether or not you ate pork, scientists today do not think they will be proven wrong.  That is because they are very right.  

2) Everyone came from African ancestors.  The Holy and Correct Book of Science we mean Book of Genesis tells how everyone was made liberté, égalité, and fraternité or sororité or transité by God from the mud in northeast Africa, and then from there spread out to other parts of the globe.  So, we are all really Africans.  You are evil and bad if you see a pattern in the fact that people whose distant ancestors were from Africa get lower test scores and that means something.  Because we are all Africans!  You are evil and bad if you realize something about those test scores and what they might mean!  

3) Very important bad things happened without leaving any evidence that they happened.  

Some people (Ists) have characterized these bad things as fake, and have said that the Bible is really just another set of stories of fake bad things.  However, what those people are not realizing is that Jesus—formerly known as “Jahweh” or “Yahweh”—was making those people suffer because it was part of His mysterious plan.  

There is no connection whatsoever between the descriptions of suffering (like the fake Passion of Jesus Christ) in the desert at the hands of what people have called “an invisible person who doesn’t actually exist and thus made no one suffer” and things that are said to have happened more recently.  None!  You are a bad person, and an immoral person, if you think that there is.  

There has been some question raised by stupid un-Christian people about whether or not more recent bad things were real!  People actually have claimed that Jesus’ favorite bedtime stories—better known as the Bible—were part of a pattern of making up crap about fake bad things, and that more recent stories about fake bad things are just more of that.  They can say crazy things like, “There is no invisible man in the sky who wants to punish people for not liking him enough” (they should say “Him”).  But those questions are wrong and bad!  If anyone dares investigate whether the new bad things were real, that just proves they have no morals and are really bad!  

As one can see, the main tenets of Christianity have been proven correct by science.  The Big Bang, Out of Africa, and descriptions of really bad things where you just can’t find evidence those things ever happened, have proven that Christianity is right.  

Separation from matter is the core tenet of Christianity, not things that some rabbi named Jesus thought or did.  Remember what Christ means.  Calling today’s belief system “Bangist Christianity” is not just a silly, dismissive slur: believing in being separated from matter is Christianity.  

(Yeah, it is so great if Jesus fills you with His Grace but that’s not for everyone.  Unless you’re some dude who needs Jesus bad now.  If you don’t have Him in you, bend over to Him, pretend you’re putting your head in His lap to please Him, or else it’s completely reasonable for Christians to torture you.)  

The official story is that people in Europe spent over 1,600 years doing things like executing people for denying the Christ, torturing women and girls to death for using magic, and making governmental policies and laws to attempt to please an invisible rabbi living in the sky.  There is absolutely no reason to doubt this story.  All of that goes to show how logical and rational their descendents must be.  And, it shows how much certain types of people really want Christianity.  

To recap, the core components demonstrating separation from matter (Christianity) are: 

1) Giant Space Orgasm causes Beginning (Big Bang); 

2) Everyone came from the Middle East (Out of Africa); 

3) Very bad things happened even though there is no evidence those things ever happened.  

We just can’t figure out what could be that third one.  That Passion as it were.  It’s a complete mystery.  Maybe that part of our theory is wrong, because no one can figure out what that third one could be.  However, we know about the first two.  

Although much scorn has been heaped upon Christianity’s back over the years, Science has now definitely proven that Christianity was right all along.  The Giant Space Orgasm has shown tha—we mean the Big Bang Theory (“Bang”) has shown that Genesis is and always was correct.  Even though there is no evidence whatsoever that the said Genesis happened, a lot of people with degrees (Papers Saying they’re Very Smart; “P.S.V.S.”) say that it happened, which is surely proof it did.  God is great!  Praise Jesus and pass the cluster bombs!  

The Out of Africa Theory (“OoA”) is the same.  Although there is no evidence whatsoever that the said genesis of humanity happened, a lot of people with P.S.V.S. say that OoA happened, which is surely proof it did.  

People talk like the Bible is over and done; like Christianity is over and done.  But they are wrong!  Even though Jesusian Christianity is frowned upon, the essential precepts of the Torah hold!  

How so?  Well, see, the Torah (the Old Testament or “O.T.”) is not often thought of as being like the N.T. for some reason that is completely beyond anyone to figure out, yet it is actually completely like the Gospels (the New Testament or “N.T.”).  How?  Well, think of the completely real Bible again, or other things if you’re more naturally S.T.E.M.-inclined.  The O.T. is about how Jesus (then called Yahweh) punished people to give us all morals, while the N.T. is about how much this one certain man (Jesus) was very nice and suffered to give us all morals.  They were both extended descriptions of (what Ists say is imaginary) badness.  As you can see, they are entirely different.  But even so, they are the same, because of Christianity and Jesus and stuff.  Jesus Jesus Jesus!  

Remember that (Jesusian) Christianity ruled Europe for 1,600+ years.  Governmental policy, nice paintings, scientific progress, and so many other things were made under the watchful eyes of Christians.  The official smartest people across many countries spoke glowingly about pleasing Jesus.  

Now, in the interests of Jesus, and of Christianity itself, we are going to keep doing something distasteful, and that is to present anti-Christian viewpoints.  These are the Ist perspectives we have shown.  We do this so that such viewpoints can be more effectively countered.  More effectively countered.  This means that we do not like those viewpoints, nor do we agree with those viewpoints.  Rather, we must present them so that we can be better warriors for Christ, fully knowing and having appraised the thoughts of the enemy.  They believe crazy things, like that there is not an invisible man in the sky describing the best kind of governmental policy.  They even go so far as to say that all men should not want to be filled with Jesus’ Grace!  Their repulsive screeds of hate are noxious, and that is why we must know them so well: to better resist them.  

(If you are not so sure that people believe this type of thing, we introduce you to the internet.)  

For example, those crazy mean heretical badthinking haters (“Ist” for one of them since they are racist and sexist and other istist stuff like that) say that there was no paradise garden, which is kinda okay to think now.  They also say that there was no Sky Rabbi (Jesus; “S.R.”); no Passion of the Christ, but that it was just a made-up story.  They say this story was used to trick a bunch of people into changing governmental policy and to commit a lot of executions (which they call “murder”!).  However, they draw a parallel between that and what they say is the use of other fake stories.  Those wacko creeps, those Ists, even say that lies about suffering (like the fake Passion of Jesus Christ) are used to justify murder!  Like, if stories about suffering were fake and were used to justify removing a few thousand Arab babies and grandmas from territory!  Completely wrong stuff like that!  When everyone knows that all the people with P.S.V.S. say that Christ was born of a virgin and suffered so much on the Cross for your si—we mean when all the people with P.S.V.S. say that was a mistake.  Those babies and grandmas were being used as human shields by evil terrorists who OMIGOD LOOK OVER THERE A DOG WOW we mean sorry it is now Current Year (“C.Y.”) not the old times (Ye Olde or “Y.O.”).  All good people should be smart and fight badness.  Like, killing people who deny the Christ, burning to death women who use magic, oops not anymore, just being modern and civil and good and shunning people who don’t get it about the rightness of universalism.  

Isn’t that wrong?  Isn’t that hateful and bad?  To say that God didn’t make everyone out of mud in the Middle East we mean that we’re all Africans because of OoA!  To say that there was no Big Bang!  Jesus H. Christerrific, Ists are so stupid!  But we have to analyze it to better counter it.  

This is the kind of stuff we true warriors for Christ have to go through to create our resistance.  Our goodness, our sacrifice, is to deal with this utter nonsense; this raving madness.  

See, if you don’t have sex with him it would be so terrible if someone said you were practicing witchcraft and you got burned to death and all your property seized.  Oops that was from Y.O. not C.Y.!  We’re modern and smart, so say what the right thing is or you get no degree no job no publication no lecture and can work at Walmart for 30 years!  Modernity means we are right.  And good and different.  

So basically you get the point.  Christianity rules.  Let’s review again the fundamental components of Christianity: 

1) Big Bang.  

2) Out of Africa.  

3) Fake badness (Passion, Passion, Passion!). 

We have seen how in modern times the fervent denial of a Jesus-based Christianity has been used to say that people are not Christian.  However, even though in C.Y. people scathingly reject Jesusian Christianity, they are actually still Christian in every way that really matters.  The entire world, or at least the First World, is currently run on the basis of Science.  It used to be run formally on the basis of Christianity, at least in Europe, and then, on the basis of Christianity and Islam, when you counted, not just girls, but the places near where Jesus was from we mean the Middle East.  And now, there are still those places, and still, of course, Europe and the places Europe colonized, or just tried to, namely Japan and China and stuff like that.  Because of aforementioned colonialism, China still has a very anti-Christian way of doing Science.